“What Women Want” is a movie starring Mel Gibson as a Creative Director in a successful yet fading agency. He was famous for his ability to do sexist “T&A” advertising, as epitomized by the “Swedish Bikini Team” campaign for Old Milwaukee beer. By some quirk of fate, Gibson’s character was given the power to read women’s minds, and with this knowledge was able to become a beloved and successful adman who could do work that also appealed to women, and a better person and father.

In a similar vein, the Ad Industry would be in much better shape if ad people were able to really understand what their clients want.  Therefore, as an ex-client, I have put together a list of things that I wanted when I was a Brand and Marketing Manager. Some of these things I would communicate. Other more delicate things would be left unsaid with the hope that the Agency would still get the message.

Here are the things I wanted.

“Help me hit my objectives.” This was the most important item. I was at the start of my career and climbing up the corporate ladder was my most important objective, (not that this would ever change). The way to get there was to hit my objectives and outperform my fellow marketers. If the Agency helped me get there all other sins would be forgiven.

“Don’t make me look bad with my boss.” Obviously, whenever this happened, climbing the corporate ladder became just a little harder. Missing deadlines, being over budget, not showing a professional attitude, or just not appearing to be in control of projects were some areas where the Agency could make me look bad. I would not forgive or forget these instances.

“Don’t make my choose between you and my boss.” Agency people dislike “business as usual” and “success models”. For them, there is nothing worse than the status quo, and they love being contrarian and controversial. What they miss is that, in these cases, I would be forced to pick a side. Did I want to be a good corporate soldier or a troublemaker? Good soldiers got promoted. Troublemakers could become famous, but they could also become a punchline or worse, be fired. Constantly making me pick a side would eventually turn me against the Agency.

“Don’t make me feel like an idiot.” Agencies will often make the mistake of talking down to a marketer, particularly the junior ones. They may not actually say it, but they will communicate that I just don’t get it, and I’m just not cool enough. Aside from being offensive, this is a very poor strategy to get me to be your ally in getting an approval.

“Show me through actions that you understand my business.” Agencies, and in particular Planners, would often regale me with “insights” that were either shallow, untrue, or blindingly obvious. They revealed a complete lack of understanding of the nuts and bolts of my business and therefore put all future advice and recommendations in doubt. So, before I would listen to them, they had to prove that they really understood the business and were not just bullshit artists.

“Don’t delegate me down to junior people.” Nothing is more insulting than to be shuffled off to junior people who are nothing more than order takers. When you did this, my reaction would be to treat them as an easily replaceable supplier, certainly not as a trusted advisor.

“Challenge me, responsibly.” I did rely on the Agency to bring me an outside perspective which I could not get inside my corporation. This was valuable. But it was not permission to do crazy, unfounded things that were “cool”. Whenever they brought me an out of the box solution, they needed to show why this made sense from a business perspective. Remember that it was my job to stack the odds in my favor but not to be a gambler.

Keeping these seven little nuggets in mind will help Agencies understand what Marketers really want, whether they say it or not. They will be able to build stronger relationships with Clients, the process will be easier, and the work will be better. And they will all be happier.